Oh Did We Say 'Guess We Are Not Bombing Iran'? Our Mistake!
He got us!
After Donald Trump told the world he was going to take two weeks “for negotiations” with Iran, he went and bombed three sites in Iran anyway. Happy forever war, everybody!
He did not tell Democrats in Congress he was doing it, and he sure as shit didn’t tell Wonkette, but he told Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu.
YESTERDAY!
And then he declared PEACE on his shitty web platform.
“We have completed our very successful attack on the three Nuclear sites in Iran, including Fordow, Natanz, and Esfahan. All planes are now outside of Iran air space. A full payload of BOMBS was dropped on the primary site, Fordow. All planes are safely on their way home. Congratulations to our great American Warriors. There is not another military in the World that could have done this. NOW IS THE TIME FOR PEACE! Thank you for your attention to this matter.”
Then he gave a statement at the White House and declared more war, maybe lots more, “if peace does not come quickly,” with his brain trust of Vance, Rubio, and Hegseth looking miserable behind him.
“Iran, the bully of the Middle East, must now make peace,” said the guy who bombed Iran after they got surprise-bombed, unprovoked, by Israel. “If they do not, future attacks will be far greater.”
Then he all-caps-ed on Truth Social,
“ANY RETALIATION BY IRAN AGAINST THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA WILL BE MET WITH FORCE FAR GREATER THAN WHAT WAS WITNESSED TONIGHT.”
Doesn’t sound like making peace, gee. So much for that peace Jared Kushner made in the Middle East after reading some books.
And what a shocker, he was lying again: It seems the bunker busting bombs did not actually bomb all the way down and completely obliterate Iran’s nuclear capabilities. The Fordo site (also spelled Fordow, or autocorrected to Frodo) is in a mountain, farther than the bunker-busting bombs can reach in one go; and nobody outside of select people in Iran knows exactly how far down the facility goes. Satellite images show some holes in the mountain, but not a huge collapsed smoking crater. Also, Iran said that it had already moved all of its nuclear stuff and people out of there, to places unknown. So it’s entirely possible that Iran’s nuclear capabilities, such as they were, were not destroyed at all.
Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff General Dan Caine said that the three nuclear sites sustained “severe damage,” which is not the same thing as “destroyed.” And then whoops, an anonymous US official confirmed to the New York Times that in fact no, Fordo was not destroyed: “the B-2 attack on the Fordo site did not destroy the heavily fortified facility but severely damaged it.” Details, details!
Let’s break in to note here, Iran does not have missiles capable of reaching any American city. Though there’s sure plenty of other terrorist shit they could do! And their missiles could theoretically reach Southern European cities. Good thing the guy in charge of terrorism prevention, Thomas Fugate, is a 22-year-old landscaper.
But there are more than 40,000 American military personnel in the Gulf, in about 20 bases in Kuwait, Bahrain, Qatar, and the United Arab Emirates. All of those sure are in range. And the Houthis in Yemen have vowed to target any American ships that enter the Red Sea. How will Iran choose to retaliate? We are still waiting to find out! Trump is portraying this as some kind of one-and-done, but it’s not done, and it being a one-time Iran-forgets-all-about-this or says “sorry sir” with tears in their eyes is not going to be happening, as much as Trump would like his dumbshit base to believe it.
So what now, asshole?
Possibility one, Iran attacks US interests, and the US is in forever war with Iran now, for all practical purposes.
Possibility also, Iran takes its nuclear program underground completely, like North Korea did. They had been co-operating with nuclear facility inspections, and stayed with Europeans in the deal that Obama made and Trump withdrew from in 2018. But why bother trying to be agreeable now? By attacking them, after Israel surprise-attacked them out of nowhere, Trump just made the best argument possible for the country to ramp up making nuclear bombs to defend itself. And Iran has at least 13 other nuclear sites, and may have another one that the US doesn’t know about.
Possibility another, Iran closes the Strait of Hormuz, through which around 20 percent of global oil and gas flows, and the Iranian parliament voted to do just that. Won’t somebody think of The Gas and The Grocery prices?! Now Marco Rubio is reportedly calling up China and begging them to talk Iran out of it.
Ugh, look at this guy with his Solo cups making an amazing visual of how Trump pulling out of the deal that Obama made with Iran was possibly the very worst decision of his first presidency. Or the best, if you are a Lindsay Graham type war hawk who has been itching to Bomb Iran and looking for a reason since that parody song about it was released in 1980, or a Pete Hegseth who wants to KILL ALL MUSLIMS so hard that he drunkenly chanted it at a bar while on a work trip in Cuyahoga Falls.
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In conservative circles, there’s disagreement about what now. KILL ALL MUSLIMS Hegseth and Four Jobs Rubio swear that this is not about regime change, but Ted Cruz and Lindsay Graham, and of course Netanyahu, want just that. Why not, it worked so well for the US in Iraq and Afghanistan. That was sarcasm. And even if the regime does fall, that is no guarantee that the next regime will be any friendlier to Israel or the US and its demands. Quite the opposite, the Revolutionary Guard is positioned to take over if Trump assassinates Ayatollah Ali Khamenei. You know, the group whose leader Trump assassinated for no real reason during his first term. The regime would not be changing to a kinder, gentler one that is more in the US’s favor, unless the US plans to occupy the place as a hostile invading force forever.
Well, fine mess we are in here! Guess we all just have to sit and wait to see what happens next. At least the president is not a lady who laughs or a boring sleepy guy.
I have a liter of Bacardi Spiced Rum and a pack of Mexican Coca-Cola. Between this and blowing my voice out at the bar yesterday, I'm just writing the day off as "self-care."
So has everyone here already thoroughly discussed the news that The Onion took out a full page ad calling Congress a bunch of fucking cowards?